No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
