"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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