Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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