end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
