I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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