i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
