Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
