So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
