kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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