hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
