I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
