So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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