white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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