Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
