No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
