what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
