imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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