My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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