i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
