I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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