so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
