It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
