: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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