The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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