If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
