You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
