You just made me feel so damn special
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
