I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
