yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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