we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
