from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
