I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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