i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
