I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
