You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
