i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
