if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
