"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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