It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You're a waste of cheezeits
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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