You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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