if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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