census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
