i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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