so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
