Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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