Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
