It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
