I must be too annoying 4 u.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
