When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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