DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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