Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
