u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
