Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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