Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
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What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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