You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Life is so much better after having sex.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
