we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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