sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
