If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
