to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
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He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
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If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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