I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
