he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
