i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
