She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
