The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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