You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize