This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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