There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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