I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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